Sunday, March 10, 2013

Brave New World

Going to stay with my mom sent me to a place I had not been to in years. The echoes of blame from her mouth lashing  my ego and reducing it to that time I was so depressed. It was like a switch. I fought it but knew something was not right in my soul.

So 2 months later I think I weigh 25 lbs more. And I am in another transition mode. I was way too codependent on my daughter and my three grandchildren. After living with my mom, I realized that no one should really live with their mom. The hurtful words she said were variations of words I said to my own daughter in an anger of expectations not met. It is so easy to point those mistakes out like clean this and your baby needs you. OMG I did not realize this and I had to apologize. I was being a control freak. An omnipresence in their life. Cleaning house so that I could help my daughter, but really thinking she was lazy and about to lose her man if she did not motivate. I would ask her if she had something defrosted. I would do her dishes. But give her a"how can you let me do this all the time" glance as I did it.  I was always available to sit the kids. This turned out disappointing the kids, because even a quick run to the store is a bye bye me being there took away from them. I know they did not think this, but I did.

Either way, it took it's toll. Somewhere towards Christmas, I gave up on the diet.

Opportunity knocked again for my son in law and another move.  This time I told them I did not want to live with them, but eventually near them. So it was agreed. Still a village, but I will have my own hut.

I am a mess, but I know how to fix it.

I am housesitting for the Great Grand Parents. They are truckers. They want/need someone at the house while they are gone all the time. I am going to the swap meet right now to pick up a laying hen. To see if an egg will come out it's butt that I can lo carb excite over!

1 comment:

  1. Good evening Bluezy. I know, it's been forever. I decided to go back to the last link up on our Eve to Easter Challenge and check up on everyone. Some are gone, some haven't posted in like forever and then I came here to check up on you. Your still do good minus your set back with mama which you'll fix now things are better. You have come a long ways. I like the pictures here and there of good things and your salsa thing you made, it really looked good.
    Anyways, just wanted to say hi, take care and God bless!!


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