Brave New World

Going to stay with my mom sent me to a place I had not been to in years. The echoes of blame from her mouth lashing  my ego and reducing it to that time I was so depressed. It was like a switch. I fought it but knew something was not right in my soul.

So 2 months later I think I weigh 25 lbs more. And I am in another transition mode. I was way too codependent on my daughter and my three grandchildren. After living with my mom, I realized that no one should really live with their mom. The hurtful words she said were variations of words I said to my own daughter in an anger of expectations not met. It is so easy to point those mistakes out like clean this and your baby needs you. OMG I did not realize this and I had to apologize. I was being a control freak. An omnipresence in their life. Cleaning house so that I could help my daughter, but really thinking she was lazy and about to lose her man if she did not motivate. I would ask her if she had something defrosted. I would do her dishes. But give her a"how can you let me do this all the time" glance as I did it.  I was always available to sit the kids. This turned out disappointing the kids, because even a quick run to the store is a bye bye me being there took away from them. I know they did not think this, but I did.

Either way, it took it's toll. Somewhere towards Christmas, I gave up on the diet.

Opportunity knocked again for my son in law and another move.  This time I told them I did not want to live with them, but eventually near them. So it was agreed. Still a village, but I will have my own hut.

I am a mess, but I know how to fix it.

I am housesitting for the Great Grand Parents. They are truckers. They want/need someone at the house while they are gone all the time. I am going to the swap meet right now to pick up a laying hen. To see if an egg will come out it's butt that I can lo carb excite over!