Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Another day!  With my mind on my calories and my calories on my mind.
I spent the morning smudging up some art as I do...I call it my Profane The Arts Project.. A while back, I took the Rockwell that is on my header and my GIMP image manipulation program (which if you don't know is just a freeware form of PhotoShop) and smudged around making the skinny girl who dreamed with the magazine of Jane Russell into a fat girl seeing a skinny girl in the mirror she wished to be.
Today I found Charles Burton Barber's art and smudged it into a fat little girl scenario on two of his oil paintings of fame. It is on my sidebar...
I remember as a chubby little girl my mom always telling me I was fat and I was, but in my mind, I would have hoped that I could go home and be spared humiliation. We once went to the mall when I was 12 to Sears and she made a big fuss about having to go there to find clothes that would fit me. She said outloud in public " I think they have a brand here called LARDO". My mom loved me, but unknowingly she defined me.
My esteem told me I was a LARDO. The kids that called me fat in school further established that.
They say "What does not kill me makes me stronger"...(Tupac?nah he stole it from Nietzsche), but I dunno...sometimes it can just work on you and you can just embrace the pain and realize you took it to own.
As an adult, I learned to deal with it leave it behind like toys in the attic. But although I had put the hurt away, the hurt was stored somewhere I can go to an see...and in my mind of thought and memories...
 I thought of conquer or be conquered...don't know where is comes from, but then I found theses trying to find out.
“To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others”
Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)

“Trials, temptations, disappointments - all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy.”
James Buckham (American poet/author 1858-1908)

“Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to one's liberty.”
Henri Frederic Amiel quotes (Swiss writer known for his masterpiece Journal intime, 1821-1881)
A victory over oneself is a bigger and a better victory than victory over thousands of people in a score of battles. Those who have achieved victory over other people can be defeated in future battles, but those who have achieved victory over themselves become victors forever.
 (and that last one is special from a special person who posted it on Facebook and is a strong woman I admire a friend of mine's sister who was a scary psycho guzzle the vodka  on drugs when driving with the kids and became the most sober and intelligent woman I have encountered and is now 24 yrs sober through AA )

I read a blog the other day, I don't know if you network to it or not, but this young girl has accomplished so much! She blogs about her encounter with a school bully that nicknamed her 'Tubby"  years after the fact and her post was about closure [link]
It helped the little girl still in me that felt the pain. That is why I feel network diets must be the best.

 It is good to know the virtual eye is on me. Thanks for checking in on me.
No exercise Monday...kinda lazy in a daze. Stayed up late researching politics to keep up with my facebook friends. Politics can cause so much stress. Obama this and Obama that and nu uh he dit ent? And seeing if he did.. There is this website called SNOPES that you can find out if stuff on the internet is true of false....they should have one for politics and what is out there being said.

I  graduated high school in Madison Wisconsin and left there when I was 20. Spending a split childhood there. Elementary to 4th grade, then my dad left the University violent tear gas and cops with billy clubs environment to work as an adviser in Brasil with the USAID program for 4 years and then we returned to Wisconsin and I finished high school there. .
Since the protests, I have been looking into the depressing political machine....

Out of the many diets I did earlier in life, I never drank enough water. And now it is funny how STILL the tap is just there 15 ft away...I have this bottled water bottle that is 16oz and rationalized I can fill it up and guzzle it down in one quick motion like a frat boy does with a beer in college! Still I have found myself having to cram like a frat boy at finals just to make my calorie log form jive!


  1. How talented you are to see these other pictures within the artwork. The Rockwell redo is very poignant; kind of sad and touching.

  2. Thank you Marilee. I am a wanna be skinny and wanna be more artistic. Actually working on both!


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