And now I am pissed off at myself.
After high school I stopped playing tennis, but not having a car still made me walk a lot, so I kept it down. I even joined the Air Force (because I burned all other bridges with a pile of good weed). In the Air Force (Reserves) I met a full time Air Force man and ended up marrying him. I soon started gaining weight because I ate as much as he did. Piles of food. Then I also smoked a bit of weed despite being Air Force Reserve (it was a risk) oh and I had the munchies a lot. I got pregnant. Stopped smoking of course and gained 10 lbs for every month I was pregnant.
I stayed that way up and down no more than 40 lbs below or above 250 lbs!!! From age 25 to now 53.
So fuck it I am not staying this way. Now that I am older the weight is hard to carry. And I am fucking tired of feeling like shit and thinking I am shit. I don't have much of a wardrobe. I have so much black that I look like a communist. And I sweat in my fatty grooves and it make me have an odor if I don't keep up on it and shower more than regularly. I go out like an agoraphobic celebrity with dark sunglasses and baggy jacket.
It is not just a physical thing it is mental and I am mental to begin with coming from the '70's!! I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad. Food is a pleasure thing with me.
I have seen blogs documenting their diets and putting pics and stats on the sidebar. Oh I like blogging. I have two other blogs that I am obsessed with and post regularly. However, I am doing this anonymously and not connecting my two blogs to this..not like they are popular or I have a lot of followers...I just want to keep them separate.
Considering the time...I need to catch up and drink some more water.
Here is what I ate today:
Breakfast (I got up at 10 )
- A bowl of Life cereal (ate this after browsing and a cup of coffee at 1 pm) 200 calories
- two cups of coffee with sugar free creamer (homemade) 100 cal
- 64 ounces of wylers peach ice tea sugar free.
- 4 oz skinless chicken breast 100 cal plus some soy sauce make it 150
- frozen green beans salt and pepper to taste 30 cal
I ate the green beans with my fingers giving me a pseudo french fries kind of action.
Homemade creamer (because the store bought goes too quick and is expensive...filling 32 fl. oz bottle
2 cups dry creamer 2450 cal.
2 cups milk 300 cal
1/2 cup sugar free Toranni flavor
1/4 cup of splenda
after all is said and done in calculating..it is about a good guess that I put at least 3 tsp of this stuff in my coffee and there are 192 tsp in 32 fl oz and blah blah blah it is no more than 50 cal per coffee
I have logged into and will link the Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) calculator and the Basic Mass Index calculator on my side bar.
And of course a calorie counter.
Basal Metabolic Rate is the amount of calories it takes for you just to lie down all day.
And this is the truth for the world and I to see what I am doing and will it work. I promise to eat more, but today luckily that is all I wanted and I feel full.