Monday, May 28, 2012
In a group of non dieters..when and if I speak not eating something because it has carbs, I just feel that most are thinking..."yeah sure". And one person (a guy) the other day brought up Jared from Subway and how despite him dieting, his size clothing size barely went down and Subway had to pay for skin removal for that to occur. I knew that was said for my benefit. A poisoned spiritual dagger in my direction. Fuck that. I sometimes get this feeling that if one guy in a group voices negativity in my direction, inspired by the whole group and he wanting to kiss ass and put one in for the ones who dare not say it to my face? What makes me fear this is the guy who said it IS a kiss ass...so it just kinda made me wonder. I am 54 yrs old and I know a few things and I can sense a few things. Some people can not fake not liking me. And no matter how outstanding I know I am...they will never be able to conceive this because they are not deep enough mentally. Ok sorry I had to get that out!
So I decided to up it more. I had downloaded a Pilates video from YouTube that was a 30 min workout. I had done one for a week or two when I started last year that was 10 mins and it was do able somewhat...The new one...errrrgh:
Now that is hard. And I just kinda tried it and thought "This will have to do and someday I could do it".
Then she went further...
OMG I do not like being a person who can not do something physically...but gotta wait for this one.
It could be that I did not use a mat. I need to invest in a mat. I use a double blanket, but it is slippery. But still...
I can understand the before feeling of this physical thing....and have a great deal of respect for women who done the work it takes to get there! Let me see if I can, too. It would be oh so great!
Taking deep breaths and thinking good thoughts and holding off the wooden stake from that Spiritual Vamp. He can live his miserable life, but I surely will avoid him.