WAHWEDNESDAY RAMBLE AND TATTOO DREAMS

So to explain the tattoo. My son in law is apprentice to our adopted Samoan brother "Big Hoss". If you wiki Samoan tattoos or are already familiar, it is a hardcore tradition in their Polynesian culture. Here it is just a respect for the old ways, nothing as drastic, but all his family have tribal type tattoos starting at age 14-15. They do not use the old ways with shark or boars teeth on a pole thing...It is just conventional machines. Those kids all eat a grip of junk food, play 360, want cell phones and Ipads so they can emo their Facebook status like regular kids all do! LOL

So I let my son in law tat me and now I am all looking for spaces for other ones. I have 9 tattoos already 3 are large and the others here and there. My right calf is taken. Sort of punky from a different time. Rough and showing age.  I chose the flowers as a transformation out of the rough. Yet there is an Edgar Allen Poe Raven...I really like I may use as a cover up on a tweeker (yep methamphetamine) scrawl on my right inner calf to keep it in the same genre. Mind you I have only two tweeker scrawls. The rest is a progress of years dating back to 1978 of garage shop tattoos.  Yep, like many a coming of age adult fat girl in the '80s, I got involved with Speed for a bout, but had the sense to realize it was not gonna work and just drive me insane! Thankful I did not get arrested. I did get a lot of laundry and housework done!

I vectored all the stuff in from Internet pics on the cover up below.  Photoshopping (actually I have GIMP a free clone) prevents me from using the real stuff  and keeps me being lazy artistically.

The above one is a test run. I manipulated the lines out of a vintage magazine cover using filters, inverting and de-saturate tools. I had to do all that to get the lines for the stencil.  I had that ready for last night as well...but the one was fine enough. Tonight or tomorrow I am getting it done on the inside of the same arm I got the one last night on. When I saw the cover I thought it to be my inner child. Plucking petals my whole life...either that or the one below I manipulated a vintage nude into this (last year)...Basically depicts my eternal search holding a lamp seeking ...It would require a pretty good portrait tattooist and there is one in our circle, but I think he charges (rightfully so). But it would be pretty gutsy to go around with a nude tattooed to my inner arm!

What is so apparent is that I go through all these round about ways to get something artsy out and never pick up a pencil or a brush...pretty sad. And a bit twisted need for love and acceptance...Long story...wah wah. Like this post.

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Coffee at 10 pm guess I will stay up and...

Get this frikin awesome tattoo on my arm!

 Been up thinking and talking about it! Son in law is doing apprentice tattooing as a side thing...and he is a natural! This is his 4th tattoo. 3 of us women are getting this tattoo some where on our bodies. I got mine first on my right arm. I found this picture online and had to have it.

It is way late. The excitement and late coffee kept me up and I got to share and FB it and all!

 Was cool all day on the water and the carb counting!

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AMV love

Stumbled on this editor years ago. This is a downright awesome AMV with actual lip action to the music. Then I went to find more from Sierra Lorna. There is one is called Project Trinity: Christian Rock Project
if you are Christian and like Anime...who is it that I know in the blog circle who could possibly want to check this out? Music is great for the soul and Anime is just downright awesome.  The site called animemusicvideos.org has so so many amv's! It is a place that keeps one busy when in a doldrums sort of Greta Garbo vant to be alone mood on my desktop.

I weighed myself this morning and am the lowest I have been on my journey I broke the 240 barrier and now I am 237!! I was saving the weigh in publicly on the blog for June 1 to give me time to be there. It seemed like I just stayed at 240 plus water for weeks! I hope now that I am full on the carb counting tracking, on Saturday it will be way less. In order to not get triggered to binging, I eat alone. I have become a diet recluse in that aspect. If I see the food the eaters are eating, it just is a risk factor. I also am not socializing much except children. I am avoiding stress and drama that way. It is not really healthy, but it is all I can do to keep Zen with this.

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Spiritual Vampire

Will being slimmer make me happy? Being large surely does not make me less beautiful! Or you. Again doing my freaky manipulation with my art editor before and afters. If I were a magazine editor...I would have a hard time deciding which cover means "International Good Looks".

In a group of non dieters..when and if I speak not eating something because it has carbs, I just feel that most are thinking..."yeah sure". And one person (a guy) the other day brought up Jared from Subway and how despite him dieting, his size clothing size barely went down and Subway had to pay for skin removal for that to occur. I knew that was said for my benefit. A poisoned spiritual dagger in my direction. Fuck that. I sometimes get this feeling that if one guy in a group voices negativity in my direction, inspired by the whole group and he wanting to kiss ass and put one in for the ones who dare not say it to my face?  What makes me fear this is the guy who said it IS a kiss ass...so it just kinda made me wonder. I am 54 yrs old and I know a few things and I can sense a few things. Some people can not fake not liking me. And no matter how outstanding I know I am...they will never be able to conceive this because they are not deep enough mentally.  Ok sorry I had to get that out!

So I decided to up it more. I had downloaded a Pilates video from YouTube that was a 30 min workout.  I had done one for a week or two when I started last year that was 10 mins and it was do able somewhat...The new one...errrrgh:

Now that is hard. And I just kinda tried it and thought "This will have to do and someday I could do it".
Then she went further...

OMG I do not like being a person who can not do something physically...but gotta wait for this one.
It could be that I did not use a mat. I need to invest in a mat. I use a double blanket, but it is slippery.  But still...

I can understand the before feeling of this physical thing....and have a great deal of respect for women who done the work it takes to get there! Let me see if I can, too. It would be oh so great!


Taking deep breaths and thinking good thoughts and holding off the wooden stake from that Spiritual Vamp. He can live his miserable life, but I surely will avoid him.

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Coke and Water Before/After

Since I was in on the 80's Big Gulp invention...I used to drink soda by the trough!  I got burned out on it. I like teas and fruity no cal stuff now, but mostly I like water! Yet I am not such a puritan cuz...well I like Caramel Macchiatos, frappes, lattes and milkshakes.  I know I could get a whole cream Latte Breve with sugar free syrup doing low carb. Can't do that with caramel ( I oh so like the caramel puddle on the bottom of a Macchiato), but if you use sugar free caramel and sf hazelnut syrup, with whole cream and 2-3 shots of expresso...Yummy. I went to a small place in a small town that made them and the Barista/owner called it "Snickerdoodle"!

Angela Pea  from "Keeping The Faith" blog  posted last month on Hydration [here] . I think of it a lot when I drink.  Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. I have my cup near my bed to refill. LOL If you do not follow her (you should) and go there to do a  search all of her PSA's (Public Service Announcements). There are 9 so far. Good stuff. This could be the second time I linked this...cuz...


Got my mind on my journey and my journey on my mind!

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1956 & 1957 Carb Pushing

LOL OMG WTF need I type more?

Dream Shopping

So trying to keep my mojo strong. I decided to go "dream shopping".  I wondered how I would like to dress when I get lean and then I stumbled on this shop called "Patty Women". There are some knock out tops. They go only to XL though.  The above look sort of  Lara Crofty without the pistols! I actually came across it by searching "boho blouses". I know! I know! I could dress Boho at any weight. Right now, though hell if I want to invest in something besides what I have been wearing. I am a Cinderella of sorts. I will be fine when the "Onederland" ball comes around. Then I will reward myself with a small fashion investment.

Memory recalls that even if I did get to the say mall store size range, I always had issues with the shirts due to my shoulders and large breasts. I think that I will learn a sewing trick that a friend knows (forgot the name after she repeated it even) merge or surge. You take the side seams and add a fabric you like. I would take this into consideration if it becomes an issue and I really really want it. I really really like to wear jeans and I really really like Patty Woman styles. Maybe I could request her upping her size range.

Another issue is that I never have gone strapless or backless in bras due to my breast size. I think once when I was in my twenties. So I researched that. There are YouTube video reviews and everything.

Main thing is that I was keeping my mind on my journey and my journey on my mind.

I am on top of it with my plan food wise. I am on and off on water. 

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Serenity

Please Don't Pass The Salt Blog Reviewed this product [here]

EDIT IN- SOLD ON THE WEB!!!
What made my day was coming on to Blogger and going through my blog roll. The first blog on my reader had PICKLES!  I so love pickles, but the salt in them is not good for anyone. And considering I am trying to be healthier by losing weight, I am also watching my salt content. Sometimes freaking out over how much I can consume considering what I eat. Cheese man...omg and processed stuff omg wtf? I follow a blog called "Please Don't Pass The Salt" and well...I am not too regular, but this caught my eye! Her husband has high blood pressure, so she really got into researching low salt cooking. Many times, there are too many carbs for me and at this point of my journey I am sticking to routine and boring because it is easier. It could be a reason why I fall off the wagon so easily...but it is a financial and a lazy thing for me. I figure once I get into maintenance (some day dreaming of Onederland) I can get creative and keep it interesting.

It is a cool windy day here in Ideeho Falls. I have been focused on my journey plan. I have avoided stress triggers that make me hungry and want to binge. I am trying to Zen my brain. It is working. Need to drink some water. L8tr!

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The Weigh

Back On The Horse Challenge

Phew...No damage but no loss.
I have to bake a birthday cake. Already drank half my goal of water. Ate a low carb breakfast to fill my hunger needs.

I figured that 8 people for the challenge would be just great.  That way each week one of them could guest post their "what horse I ride" story or "this is MY mojo" story or what ever they deem necessary to share for the summer. .

My biggest fear is that no one really wants to do it. Not really a fear, but with all the summer goings ons with the kids and the vacations...then there is the blog feed we already follow (which is a good part of my mojo building) it is already a big time thing with us. I imagined a challenge blog that had challenger participation inside the blog itself. No deadline, just a place. A statement. A group from a group. Stick the stories in there. Have it be a record of this summer's forte in our journey...accessible on the web.

June To August Challenge!

 So if you look at the sidebar, there is a link to my challenge blog... 

I decided to start a challenge. Back On The Horse Challenge. It will be a challenge to drop some weight from June to August. The rules are pretty lax. I did want to get the participants to post on the blog proper. I could guest host them, or receive an attached file by e-mail and post their post. I wanted each one who participates to blog on what "horse" they ride and what kind of "mojo magic" they rely on.  I think it would be fun for participants to tell their story on the blog. It would be a "horse of a different color" blogwise, me thinks!

Personal Update

It was all about getting back on track. When the girls dissed me, I continued a bit with the mojo. Then the cooking got all messed up. I did not want to just make my own personal meals. My eggs got used for this and that. I had planned on cooking a turkey and portioning out the meat.

I dug up the turkey and it is defrosting. I also dug up the ham portions (even though it has icky salt content).
I do fine with the meat and a faux low carb dipping sauce. It is filling. I made sure my mug with 32 ounce gradient on the side was full. I even went swimming today. Last week I had a cold. I logged into My Fitness Pal to calculate my calories and carbs. Whoo hoo.

All this back on the horse thing made me think up a challenge. I had missed out on the last ones going on and totally dissed on the one I participated in last. I needed redemption. And the pic for the badge was so cool vintage poster retro.

Come join in. It is low maintenance. The best part is the story posts authored by different participants!

I decided to weigh in tomorrow and face what I may have to face.

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NSV sharing: Today when at the Aquatic Center,  I jumped off the high one below TWICE. For a person of my weight and fear of heights, this is a milestone for sure!

All the family went. Even the babies! And the friend's babies!

Mid May

Pep talk from my conscience:
Mid May...(already)
It is a good marking point. Back on the horse, Bluezy! And remember when you were so gung ho at the beginning? Rolling around the floor with the skinny South African Pilates guy (YouTube Video)? Remember how good you felt? The hot weather is a coming! You know how carbs make you retain water and your feet swell. And Water? Sheesh that is all around you! Why is it you just have this memory loss and give up? You know what you did! Does some guy in a rain coat with a big fishing hook need to chase your ass (from I Know What You Did Last Summer-get it?LOL)? You did it. Leave the carbs alone! You are not like other people. You can not eat like that. You feel icky and bloaty.  Today you do it right! Every day a new day! Get with it! Onederland is in LIVING color. The Mall fashion stores are waiting. You wanted to dress all boho and thin...WTF Get back to your routine. Let the carb eaters be carb eaters. You can still associate with them and not have to do as they do. It is not like nicotine or heroin. It is fucking food. Quit feeding your face with carbs!

Evil Stepford Wife In My Head!

My eyes! My eyes! It burns! It burns! Effing Stepford Wife Robot in my brain! Arrrrgh!

Serving cookies and homemade food!  Have some more, dear. Have some more!

Ever since Wednesday the day after coming back from the hospital/doctor....I gave license to myself to lay off the diet. I was scared. I was stressed. I embraced the food as a comfort. Each day since I have said "Got to get back to the plan". For Mother's day, I made some potato salad. OMG left overs and then there are sugar cookies. And I have not had potato salad that good in years...or cookies either only because I made them and pride in them. I made 5 batches (for the kids) OMG I got milk. Arrrrrghhhh! I wish I could just react to stress/fear by going to sleep and NOT eating.

Love 2 Mothers

 Happy Mother's Day to all my momma Bloggies that may pass this way! The best to you!

I promised my 5 yr old grand daughter that I would ride with her to school on her bike. She just learned to ride her bomb ass Monster High bike she got for Christmas. She has got good enough for me to be OK with her to ride it that far. Woke up to her smiling face as I passed her room. She wished me Happy Mother's Day. Later she sat by me and hugged me. We had a conversation. She needed to breakdown how I am a mom to me to get a clearer understanding of the hierarchy of motherhood and then a "oh yeah you are MY mom's mom."

I laxed on my diet after having some health issues, but really it should of not made a difference. I stressed and then went off plan. I did not pile it on, I just ate some of the countless cookies I had been baking...ate rice with the meat...Still I will weigh in next week and call in for sick leave this past week.

Cornholio!

I had to go to the ER for a medical condition that I have battled since 1998. It comes back every two years or so reminding me that I need to do something about it. I am taking a couple of days break from my routine. I upped my weigh date to next week. By then, I will have rested and followed up with the doctors. I also have that change of season head cold that they noticed and ruled out pneumonia. I got some meds for both.

 

 Sort of disappointed my daughters folded on the diet so soon. My disappointment is how they must drink 64 ounces of soda a day. But who am I to judge. I was a coming of age adult when the BIG GULP came out. In those days, I would smoke my bud and go to 7-11 and play video games slurping on two a day for sure.

A Family Sunday

OMG I got to try some organically fed chicken...The difference in flavor was very very apparent. Being that I love me some chicken, the organic tasted a bit off. My usual like to nom spices just didn't taste right with it. It was to me comparable to the difference between beef and venison. Makes me then realize they sure do pack up the somethin somethin in the Foster Farm brand. I try not to think about it because like I said "I love me some chicken".

Last night since I had weighed in, I ate a forbidden food. A banana cream cookie that was homemade. It had something like shortbread with nuts as a bottom crust, cool whip mixed with banana and I think a bit of vanilla and cream cheese then topped with a strawberry glaze. The piece was substantially large. My rationale was I won't gain a pound by eating it. The daughters were all butt hurt that I did this. They have been on the diet 2 days. I have been on it again for about 3 weeks. So...TODAY. They foiled. They went out shopping with the kids and on DAY 3...effed up by going to McDonalds and drinking soda as well. OH later they tell me they ate 2 big squares of the cookies.

Tonight they say they are eating the red beans and hamhocks with homemade tortillas. And the thing is that I know my daughter loves to eat. And when I got the beans going for the rest of the eaters...It would be her test of fortitude and well...guess my diet buddies dissed me for carbs!  I later confronted them. They are OFF the plan. So I am going solo in the house on the Low Carb Plan. Actually, I am relieved. The cooking for them was too much for me. I was trying to make it more interesting. With ME I kept it simple and it has been easier that way. Food has turned into a stick it in my mouth plan. I try to make it appealing in a way, but I just dose it out and call it a day. I just want my belly and urges to be satisfied. Nothing fancy.

Today is another cook a thon! My cooking skills have blossomed since we are such a big crowd. With Big Hoss who is a Samoan Gourmet cook as well... There is something for all! I still need to make a salad to make my meal complete...but here are some yummy pics of our production! Enough food to feed a troop! We have freezer bags...and some stray friends/family that will most likely raid the kitchen tonight..lol!

Pollo Loco with Rosemary and Garlic

Spanish Rice

Steaming hot Red Beans Hambone and Ham Hocks!

Homemade Tortillas ready to roll

Cinco De Mayo

So there it is. I made the 2 lb goal. My mojo was a bit twacked from having two newbs starting up with me.... I have gotten over things like soda and coffee creamer that is not sugar free. I sort of got elected the meal planner and maker. This is ok. I just am a bit lazy and have gotten use to the same stuff different day. With my in house buddies, I don't want them to burn out.

So I am trying new stuff. I am also reading Atkin's New Revolution and seeing where I am messing up. Supposedly my fear of fatty food is slowing up my biochemical fat burning process. I naturally choose lean red meats, lean pork and chicken breasts skinless. I need to cook with bacon grease, maybe? I do use a heckalotof mayo...We shall see.

I am also changing my weigh in day to Wednesdays because that is my Amazon daughter's regular day off. So IF (and I know it will be as I do it as well) we plan to add a forbidden food...it can be just after weigh in. This weigh we have the rest of the week to make up for it.

I have been good, though. When I try something that has too many carbs...I just try it. I don't gorge and binge (lately). I am too too close to Onederland and this year is the year!!!

I want to cosplay on Halloween, maybe. So instead of photo manipulating me as Alice or Lara... (so small and vain, but it IS possible)! My Facegook lol profile pics.

Bloggie Love.

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!

Bloggie love on Star Wars Day! Be a Jedi!
Reading Atkin's New Revolution while waiting for customers at our YARD SALE. Drinking water and doing it with buddies this time is so awesome!

Peachy

Wednesday we had a big get together. All the food was Asian. All I could eat was the broccoli beef and I did try some of the Panko fried chicken.  I passed on the Fried Rice and Lo Mein. Asian food has lots of salt and some hidden carbs in the marinade.  I will expect some water retention, but I am keeping a watchful eye on my hydration. I need to drink 120 ounces a day.  I have been more like 64-80 ounces this week.

The thing is that I caved in on the Oreo Birthday cookies. In two days I have had 4 cookies. They were on sale at Sam's Club. $2.71 for a box that contained 3 packages of cookies. The box contained one Birthday recipe and two regular recipe Oreos.  I did really good on not grabbing the whole package and dunking them to make them soft and melt in my mouth.

My diet buddies postponed due to the get together. They admitted while guzzling soda and later nomming down on a whole package of Oreos that they were getting their carb on because Thursday starts the group with low carbs.  Having already started, I was mindful of my weigh in on Saturday.

Again I am thankful to Loretta from Loretta's Journey for the Atkins Revolution. It has cleared me up on some things. I am trying to read the majority of it. Loretta lost 11 lbs in the month of April not counting calories and doing low carb. 

Can't sleep. Had two cups of coffee past 10 pm it is nearly 3 am OMG and I get up at 7 AM.

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May Day Update

Cecil Beaton 1935 Vogue on right Left "Profaned" Version

When I alter art and such, I call it a "Profane The Art Project". This is really a lovely vintage magazine cover that if I had the original...I would frame it and cherish it and leave it to my grand children. I am sure it would be worth a few pennies considering the artist. I would love to also have maybe some of Beaton's original photography.

I have made it up the incline most times now. It makes me feel better knowing the kids stall at the top sometimes as well. The key was to start pumping standing 30 ft before you hit the dirt. Today the wind is 30 mph and it is a cold spring fresh wind. This is the back way from our house to the park. On the other side there is a .7 mile jogging course. I had to wait to take a pic because a group of walkers were just at the big tree and wondering why I was aiming my celly at them. LOL

Mojo is still strong. The added activity in the cool air has increased my appetite. I have been strong and snack on low if not zero carb. This is coming from a woman who cooked about 300 cookies last month. Oh that was hard. Yet I did eat one after weigh in. Then I saw the Magnum ice cream bar commercial. TV  commercials are evil! LOL It was new food AND ice cream with caramel! I will eat one in a month or two when I take a day pause from it...we will see.

All women in the house are now low carbing! Hoping we all continue together on this!

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